please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
