We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
