You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
