Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
