Can Purell be used as lube?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
