Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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