I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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