Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
