Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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