I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
that is very illegal...i love you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
