Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This is the high leading the old right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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