vagina is talking i cant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
