they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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