she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
