I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
