Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
