exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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