Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
