The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
