Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
