Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
