I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
