somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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