You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
