thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
