We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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