Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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