It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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