Where is the hickey?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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