she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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