Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
