Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She swung at the pinata with crutches
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
