My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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