I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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