Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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