she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
