I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
is wine microwaveable?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
