Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
