I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
