I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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