I faked an abortion last night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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