I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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