How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
