after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
