I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
