The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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