I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
