Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
