I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
