Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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