Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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