Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
