I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
