If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
