Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
