he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
