You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
