And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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