He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
